


It's Not Really Fine, Is It?

by 2trangerMcDanger



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Implied Caliginous feelings, M/M, inspired by a true conversation that i had with a friend about a recent break up, smol drabble, this is was fun to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9769226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2trangerMcDanger/pseuds/2trangerMcDanger
Summary: In which Sollux is grieving and is having trouble coping.





	

The halls of the meteor were cold and uncaring. The only light coming from distant rooms of which other people resided in. You weren't going to somewhere where lots of people were, however. You were going somewhere far more important, albeit a little reluctantly.

Your greatest, most beautiful creation had just exploded before your eyes. You only caught it from the back, watching her the beautiful hair you constructed for her burn and disappear into smoke. The metal you spent weeks on end curling to perfection to meet her exact body type. You had crafted Megido's body with more care and love than you'd crafted anything before. And she vanished before you in the blink of an eye, not even a glance your way as a farewell.

Despite your heartache on the matter, you knew someone else was taking it much worse.

When you finally stumble upon him, Sollux is sitting alone, in the dark, his luminescent eyes and the screens behind your glasses the only thing lighting the middle of the hallway. He's sitting, legs outstretched and hands in his lap, occasionally going to wipe at his face. He's crying. You can't help but let a small eyeroll escape.

From the minute you saw him to this moment right now, you've always thought Captor was pathetic. From what his build is, he probably can't even lift his own weight, let alone the weight of his emotions. He was so unbelievably sensitive, not willing to take insults some times and getting close to throwing tantrums close to that of Vantas'. You can't help but think that if you had just one night with him, chock full of nothing but endurance training, he could be stronger.

But for now, you're willing to set aside your personal opinion about him, because in this exact situation, you're both going through the same thing.

You were never exactly sure what feelings the two of them shared. Aradia didn't like to talk about it much (or really talk to you too much about quadrants in general) but it was apparent that they cared for one another quite deeply. It wasn't incredibly important now anyway.

As you step closer to him, you can see him tense up, quieting down any noise he could've been making. "I am still able to see you." You say, standing a little less than a foot apart from him. He makes an exasperated sigh, as if he were annoyed. "What the fuck do you want." The curse word makes you cringe a bit. You chose not to correct him, if anything from the past has taught you about reprimanding him for cursing, it only makes him do it more.

"Are you..." Darn, how do you word something like this? "Are you well, Captor?" Your question sounds a bit more unfeeling than you would've liked.

"Why do you care." You don't, actually. Not really.

Nepeta was the one who asked you to talk to him. After the explosion, Captor immediately left, not even notifying anywhere as to where he would be going. You insisted that it was because he wanted to be alone. She insisted that you, of all people, would be able to sympathize with him and it would make him feel better. You wanted to ask why you should CARE how he feels, but thought better of it. You can be the stronger person this way, you tell yourself. You're not sure if that's the reason why.

Maybe you do care a bit. You're not sure why, and Captor doesn't really wait around for an answer. "I'm fine," he says, "I'll be okay, leave me alone." You hear a crack in his voice. As you said, pathetic. You sigh and take a seat next to him crossing your legs and resting your arms on your knees. This might take longer than you had anticipated.

And then it's quiet. You're not sure what to say. Other than the repeated phrase that one would normally say under these circumstances. "I. Would like to give my condolences. It is my understanding that you and Megido we're rather close in your relationship." He takes a sharp inhale, like he's been holding his breath this whole time. He mutters out a, "yeah, thankth." Before silence surrounds you two again.

"Uh..." Sollux starts saying something again, you look to him from the corner of your eye. "You guyth were pretty clothe, too, right?"

You sigh a bit. "Not as close as I would've liked to have been." You were happy and grateful for what attention you got from her, but a selfish part of you always wanted a little more. You're embarrassed to say you're jealous of Captor for how much she cared for him. Not enough so to express it of, course.

Sollux looks to you with a puzzled scowl. "I thought you two were red or thomething." When the words leave his mouth, you feel a great heat wash over you, mostly concentrated on your face. How would he know that? Why would he assume that? Who told him??? "I, uh. Suppose we--No. Megido and I were never situated in that quadrant together. Unfortunately if I must say." You hope you won't have to jump through anymore verbal hopes with this lowblood.

Even from your side eye, Captor's tearful face seems to fade when he makes an eyebrow quirk up and a smirk curl at his mouth. The sight makes you want to punch him in the teeth, put doesn't anger you necessarily. "I thee," is his simple response.

"Thince you came over here to athk me how I'm doing, how are you holding up about it." He wipes his face once more, voice no longer shaking, but body still visibly trembling. "Fairer than you, it appears." You actually jump when you feel a smack delivered to your shoulder. Quickly followed by a soft touch as if apologizing. You've seen this gesture before, not by him, of course. After most trolls attempt to strike you, they give experimental slaps and when they decide they stand no chance, they give that touch. You're sure Sollux wasn't meaning to fight you. He playfully hits lots of people. Mostly the Heiress and Vantas. A good portion of you wants to make a joke of the strike, possibly compare it to a butterflies wing stroke. Instead, you decide to scoff.

"In all seriousness, the loss of Aradia has take a fair toll on me. However I am much more equipped to handle such obstacles." A small bit of pain pokes itself at your chest. Your words don't speak the full truth. Even you found yourself tearing up a the initial explosion. "And what maketh you thay that?" Captor question, skepticism overflowing from his voice.

"Because I'm willing to accept that things are not fine at this moment. As opposed to you, who is lying to himself. Although, I can predict why you would be saying such things." He stares at you for a moment, clearly taken aback. What will you say, Captor? It's your move.

There's silence for a few seconds. Deafening silence. And then he snickers. Before you know it, his voice is shaky again and he's sniffling. "Y-Yeah, you nailed it right on the fucking head, didn't you? No, it'th not fine. Why would it be fine. Everything ith tho unbelievably _not fine_ and I'm theriouthly not okay in any way, shape or form. What the hell am I thuppothed to do about it?"

You can't tell if the question is rhetorical or not, but you answer anyway. "You can address your feelings. That would be the strong choice." For a second, you two share eye contact. His tears look golden when paired with his eyes. It's a sweet expression, if anything. One that makes you relax and soften.

"She wath everything to me. For the longetht time, all I ever wanted to make sure she wath thafe and happy. Thinking about her calmed me down, almotht alwayth. Now...now that she'th gone, what am I thuppothed to do? I can't think about her anymore, it'th the wortht feeling." When he talks, his touches his face, his hair, his hands, his shoulders. Like it's compulsive. It seems to make him less jittery, so you don't force him to stop. "She alwayth had a tholution, a fix to any problem I had. What do i do..." The rest of what he says is mumbled and incoherent to you. His words get quieter and more jumbled until he is no longer speaking, simply sobbing like he wasn't before. It's the classic sob, quiet accompanied by sniffling and little hiccups. It tugs your heartstrings. You offer your shoulder to lean on, and he takes it, even wrapping his arm around yours for an extra added comfort. You know it's awkward, and you can't exactly touch his weak little frame, but he needs this. To talk out his feelings and to cry like this.

Nepeta taught you the importance of crying. How simply sitting alone and letting yourself crack doesn't always suffice. One has to decompress entirely, letting all of their stress and troubles out. Since the two of you met for the first time, you try to do this regularly when something happens. You both let yourselves cry after talking through the death of your lusi.

Sollux squeezes at your arm, sobs slowly dying down to nothing more than hiccups. Very gently, you pat his back with your other arm. That calms him significantly. When he's finished, he sits up, looking more than embarrassed. Ashamed even. You pull out a small, soft white towel. You planned on storing it away in a chest, but you figure he needs it more right now. You offer it silently and he takes it, drying his face off with it. You. Suppose he can keep it.

"Thankth. Thank you. You didn't have to do that. Thit here and talk to me." He doesn't meet your gaze, and you don't blame him. "I didn't mean to get all grothth on you..." He jokes, even scoffing.

"Showing your emotions doesn't make you 'gross.'" You tell him. He makes another chuckle noise. "How are you feeling now?" You ask him. "Terrible," he says, smiling. "But I'll be okay."


End file.
